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I post this article on here noticing that there is no heading to put this under. It has long been troubling me this week that from among all the wonderful (and less wonderful) inspirational tweets I receive daily, there is no mention of sex.
In the spiritual manuals I have read that are so helpful, there is little mention of sex, crime or abusive relationships.
I realise there may be legal issues etc etc. but I do also feel that the more we practice spiritually, perhaps we stop talking about deeper, human issues such as this. But these things have to be talked about so I hope that this article doesn't get removed or be accused of being 'low vibration'. Healers and spiritual teachers have personal lives and everything might not be hunky dory beneath that spiritual mask! We all have problems and need healing throughout our lives. If anyone reading this professes to be 100% perfect, ascended, free from trauma and personal difficulties, see me for a shiny sticker. No seriously contact me, I'm interested!! :-)
Gender Equality and The Progression of Religion
Many old traditions stop women from becoming priests and the equivalent. Eg. in Islam, (a religion/culture that teaches us a lot about community and giving) many women cannot even go the the Mosque to pray as they are expected to pray at home because of fitting spiritual practice in with their duties with the children and cooking for the family. New Age religion moves towards geneder equailty as society does in turn - women can now more easily become spiritual teachers, leaders, counsellors etc. and are not just relegated to roles as a healer, nurturer, herbalist, or passive channeler. We have our own opinions!
So here goes. Here are my musings.
I lay awake last night after a nightmare.
Somehow that led, following thought after thought, to my reflecting on my and my ex-partners' attitudes toward sex, the respect of a female body (or anyone's body), and society's attitudes as a whole towards womens' bodies.
I began thinking in further depth about other kinds of respect - psychological, emotional and spiritual. Respecting someone's needs for love, comfort, support, personal space; trusting someone and trusting oneself.
I said in a recent tweet that I feel that in sex, women should be honoured, respected, and revered. I feel that in all of life, we should revere, honour and respect our own bodies, our entire selves, and each other.
I still feel that. Yet, does culture in the media, and our upbringing etc. and even natural instinct give us the idea that we deserve a woman's body? That it is somehow our right to touch, feel, drink of its goodness?
Babies and Toddlers and Beyond
My mind is cast back to babies - morally innocent, if they are allowed to they will scratch their mother's breasts during that developmental phase where they are discovering their nails, bite their mother when their first teeth come, grab their mother's boobs and drag them almost across the room, stretch them, etc. when they are walking.
For this reason, many ladies with self respect stop breastfeeding as soon as the first pain appears!
Breastfeeding, like sex and birth should not be painful - it can be pleasurable and if it isn't, stop and think why. Teach your child boundaries - all kids can learn no matter what their age. As long as you teach them with love and gentleness, but firmness and regular repetition of new ideas/rules, it's ok.
If breastfeeding doesn't hurt, but just doesn't feel right, then you can still stop for a few minutes and think, how can we best improve this experience? You are in charge.
With regards to weaning, it is best to look within and see how you feel, monitor your child's health and reactions, consult with health professionals, read a variety of books on the subject and make your mind up. There are a variety of opinions on when the best time to wean completely is, and the weaning process can be quick, medium, or drawn out etc. It is possible for many ladies to relactate or re-increase milk supply if they change their mind, although perhaps not all ladies.
It is also possible for men to breastfeed! Google it!
Sex
Do we as ladies share the same attitude to sex? And if this resonates with any guys or transgender folk out there, which it probably will do, how about you?
How many of you out there, if your partner, male, female or transgender, started kissing or touching you and wanted sex, would stop and think, 'Hang on, is this what I want? How much am I in the mood for sex? What's my desire percentage?' Or something like that.
And if you found within yourself that you weren't in the mood, or that your feelings of desire were really low, would you stop and say, 'No, sorry, I'm not in the mood' or 'Could you kiss my neck' or 'Could you rub my back' 'Could we talk for a while' etc. - a request based on your feelings about how your partner could help you relax?
How many people sometimes, or frequently don't do this and just lie back and think of king and country etc.?
Break-Ups
Looking back, I can remember so many situations in my life where actually, I didn't want sex. Or I didn't plan to have it but was co-erced into it.
Not wanting to upset any ex partners if they read this but I started thinking last night, is this why some of my relationships broke down but I just couldn't explain why I didn't want to be with that person anymore?
Of course, there are many other factors in break-ups and I have generally always explained to partners the reasons why, apart from when I was really young and didn't have a clue.
And maybe at times it was just destiny - a need to move on to a new stage in my life.
Yet, I am once more at the bottom of that weird feeling that I have experienced in the last 4-5 years of being dirty. Unclean. An unclean energy coming from partners. I know what it is now - I tried to ignore it, push it away, lie back and think of king and country, higher energy, switch off the recurrent visions of exes, block out the spirit guides' messages, make myself feel desire somehow, change position, ask my partner to change something, all to no effect.
The feeling of dirtiness was lust, desire, (which is a good feeling to have, I'm not one of those puritanical types!) but the problem was, the feeling wasn't returned and my partner hadn't even bothered to check whether or not I felt the same way back! They were just helping themselves to my body, assuming I was in the mood. It had reached a stage in the relationship where they were assuming that sex was part of the relationship. A given, the norm. And sometimes, even, a right.
I didn't help there - it's not all their fault obviously. I reached a stage in the relationship where I thought that sex was a given. A right to my partner. A gift. I had cultural expectations that sex becomes more boring as a relationship progresses, more difficult to excite, and because of those expectations and because of role models of lying back and thinking of king and country, I did it.
But then again, I knew I was doing it, knew I was fitting into an outdated stereotype but it has been hard to break out of it.
I hate to stereotype. I know there are guys out there who get abused, raped, or touched when they don't want it. Which is why I'm trying to write this article sensitively and openly.
I try to think along the lines of energy - we all carry masculine and feminine energy within us. Sometimes, a guy will have predominant feminine energy and his life lessons may link to this somehow. Sometimes, a girl will have predominant masculine energy, some people are balanced etc.
Passivity and Feminine Energy
Is passivity a common trait of feminine energy?
It must have its advantages, but also disadvantages obviously.
Even in nature, I sometimes see male animals chasing the females until they give in to sex, or pushing the females away so they can get the food first. Not a good role model. There must be examples from certain species though that show the opposite. There are even gay/lesbian animals in nature!
I think it is our role as humans and guardians of the planet in physical form to teach animals gender equality, love and respect for one another. Think I'm daft? I really think we should.
Healthy Attitudes to Sex
I don't want this article to scare anyone too much that they don't enjoy sex anymore.
I used to love sex so much, I was so raring to go in my youth, free from moral awareness and feelings of true responsibility.
As I have grown older and the responsibilities of parenting, knowledge taught to me of spiritual responsibility and thoughts of permission, studying feminism, rape and religious attitudes towards sex have all weighed down on me. I have stopped enjoying or wanting sex, leaping into it, it as much as I used to.
Is it just because of the above reasons or is it also lack of experience since I became a parent? Being rusty etc.?
I don't know entirely but I hope this article helps and reaches out to those who need to speak out for what they want, need, and feel with regards to their bodies, souls, hearts and minds. We always have a choice and abstinence - a break from sex - is ok. It's not a crime. Your partner will survive!
If they cause problems, you could be in an abusive relationship. Click on this link to go through the checklist.
Abusive Relationship Checklist
http://helpguide.org/mental/domestic_violence_abuse_types_signs_causes_effects.htm
But I do feel that long periods of abstinence - long breaks from sex - need to be addressed on some level through talking, counselling, maybe sex therapy or spiritual healing and counselling, other sorts of things. Maybe regular massage, cuddles, etc. or whatever feels comfortable - something that helps with bonding, communication, increasing the love between you and healing any issues present.
Sex : Abuse : Spiritual Teaching : Breastfeeding : Gender Equality : New Age : Religion :
Sex : Abuse : Spiritual Teaching : Breastfeeding : Gender Equality : New Age : Religion :
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